How to Build Unshakable Confidence - The Truth About Confidence

Confidence: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Build the Kind You Really Want

Confidence.
What is it, really? And how do we actually get more of it?

This is a question I’ve spent years reflecting on.

Back when I first started coaching men on how to be great with women, I asked over 500 women one simple question:

“What do you desire most in a man?”

The #1 answer wasn’t money.
It wasn’t looks.
It wasn’t status.

It was confidence.

But here’s the real question: What does that actually mean?
And is all confidence the same?

Why Confidence Is Misunderstood

Confidence is one of those words that gets thrown around daily, but few people actually understand it.

Everyone wants it.
Few know what it really is.
Even fewer know how to build it.
Almost none know how to keep it.

That’s why you hear shallow advice like: “Fake it till you make it.”

But here’s the truth: confidence is not something you attain once and keep forever. It’s rented—and rent is due every single day.

You don’t “get confidence” and suddenly have it for life.
You practice it. You cultivate it. You live it.

And if you stop paying attention—stop challenging yourself—your confidence erodes.

Defining Confidence (And Why That’s Not Enough)

The Oxford Dictionary defines confidence as:
“The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; a state of feeling certain about the truth of something.”

That’s a neat definition. But it doesn’t capture what women mean when they say they want a confident man—or why certain men radiate it in every room they walk into while others only have it in certain situations.

Confidence is deeper than just belief.

It’s a state of mind—a lens that changes how you see the world.

When you’re in that state, hesitation disappears.
Action feels natural.
Risk feels exciting, not paralyzing.

And here’s the thing: confidence multiplies through action. Do something once and you’re shaky. Do it a hundred times and it becomes second nature. That’s how confidence grows.

Why Confidence Matters (More Than You Think)

Confidence isn’t just about “feeling good about yourself.” It’s the foundation of your entire life.

• Attraction – People are drawn to those who trust themselves.

• Leadership – Others follow the man who stays steady in uncertainty.

• Resilience – Confidence allows you to take punches and keep moving forward.

• Freedom – When you trust yourself, you stop living for other people’s approval.

Without confidence, you hesitate. You second-guess. You shrink back instead of stepping forward. You react to life instead of leading it.

Self-Confidence: The Foundation

The kind of confidence most men struggle with is self-confidence.

This is the internal belief in your own abilities, judgment, and worth. It’s trusting yourself. Knowing you’re capable. Believing that no matter what happens—you’ll handle it.

That’s the foundation everything else is built on. Without it, nothing in your life is stable. Your relationships, your career, your goals—all of it sits on shaky ground.

Self-confidence doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect. It means being deeply grounded in who you are, what you value, and what you’re capable of—even when life gets messy.

It’s not arrogance. It’s not blind positivity.
It’s ownership.

Confidence as a Way of Life

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Confidence is built through aligned action. Every time you follow through on your word, you trust yourself more.

• Confidence is challenged by fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough. Step into those fears, and your confidence grows.

• Confidence is magnetic. It doesn’t have to shout. True confidence is steady, grounded, unshakable—and people feel it the second you walk into a room.

Confidence is not about controlling everything. It’s about trusting yourself to handle whatever happens.

That’s what men are really after. And that’s what women actually mean when they say they want a confident man.

The 5 Pillars of Confidence

This post is the beginning of a series where I’ll break down The 5 Pillars of Confidence Every Man Needs:

1. Foundational Confidence – The skills, habits, and mindset that make you trust yourself.

2. Social Confidence – The ability to connect, belong, and influence others.

3. Relationship Confidence – How to naturally attract and connect with women.

4. Domain-Specific Confidence – Confidence built through mastery in areas like career, leadership, and skills.

5. Integrated Confidence – The highest level—where your presence, energy, and self-worth radiate everywhere you go.

Final Thought

Confidence isn’t about pretending.
It’s about becoming.

It’s about building yourself into a man who doesn’t just look confident in certain situations—
but radiates it in every area of life.

And when you live from that place?
Life opens up in ways you never imagined.

-Cory

PS – If you’re ready to stop living with “fragile confidence” and finally build the kind that carries into every part of your life… I’ve got something coming that could change everything for you.