Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal

Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal: 

If you’re struggling with confidence, feeling happy, or finding genuine connections, chances are you’ve fallen into the trap of pedestalizing women—or maybe even other men. This habit of inflating someone’s worthwhile diminishing your own is a confidence killer. It distorts your self-image and leaves you stuck in a cycle of comparison and self-doubt.

The Pedestal Trap

Many guys make the mistake of placing women, especially attractive ones, on a pedestal. They convince themselves that these women are inherently better—more valuable, more desirable—than they are.

But it doesn’t stop there. If you’re putting women on a pedestal, you’re probably doing the same with men you admire. Maybe it’s the guy with the perfect body, the entrepreneur with financial success, or the charismatic dude who seems to attract every woman in the room. You see what they have, compare it to what you lack, and feel inferior.

This mindset isn’t just harmful—it’s completely false.

Why Society Sets You Up to Fail

Society bombards us with unhealthy messages about what it means to be successful and desirable, which are typically designed to sell you something. You’re told:

• Beauty is all about physical appearance.
• Women only want men with money, status, or a ripped body.
• Success is measured by material possessions or external validation.

When you believe these lies, you fall into a scarcity mindset. You focus on what you don’t have rather than what you bring to the table. This creates a constant feeling of inadequacy, which fuels your tendency to put others above you.

A Client’s Eye-Opening Moment

I recently worked with a client who struggled with this exact problem. He’d walk into a room, see an attractive woman or a confident guy, and instantly feel small. He believed these people had something he didn’t—something that almost seemed just out of reach for him or unattainable.

One day, he asked me, “How do I stop feeling this way?”

I told him something simple yet profound: Everyone bleeds.

At first, he didn’t get it. So, I broke it down for him:

• The beautiful woman who intimidates you? She bleeds.
• The guy with the six-pack and the flashy car? He bleeds.
• The CEO with a seemingly perfect life? He bleeds.

What I meant was that everyone—no matter how they appear on the surface—experiences pain, self-doubt, fear, insecurity, and failure. They’re human, just like you.

The Illusion of Perfection

Here’s the truth: No one is as perfect as you make them out to be in your mind.

Years ago, I was out with a client at a bar in Florida. He looked around the room and told me he felt like 80% of the men there were more confident and comfortable than he was.

I laughed and told him he was only right if that factored in liquid courage. The reality? Probably 1-3% of those guys were truly confident in themselves. Most of them were just better at hiding their insecurities and covering them up by drinking.

When you learn to genuinely accept yourself—flaws and all—it becomes glaringly obvious when others are faking it.

Shifting Your Mindset

Putting people on pedestals stems from separating yourself from them—believing they are inherently better. To break this habit, you need to embrace a few fundamental truths:

• Everyone is Imperfect: The guy with the great career? He’s made sacrifices and failed more times than you can imagine. The woman with the perfect smile? She’s dealt with insecurities and heartbreak too many times to count. Nobody’s life is as polished as it seems on the outside.
• We All Crave the Same Things: At the core, every person wants to feel heard, loved, accepted, and valued. And we all just want to be happy. 
• Success Requires Failure: The men you admire didn’t magically become confident or successful. They faced many rejections, made countless mistakes, and put in a sh*t load of work to improve themselves and create the life they live. 
• Comparison Steals Joy: The more you compare yourself to others, the more you lose sight of your unique strengths and authenticity. No one wants or expects perfection when they look at you, nor do they expect you to be someone else, they just want you to be the best version of the man that you are. 

Practical Steps to Change

The next time you catch yourself pedestalizing someone, try this instead:

• Find Common Ground: Remind yourself that everyone bleeds. Everyone has fears, struggles, and insecurities. Focus on what connects you rather than what separates you.
• Shift Your Perspective: Instead of thinking, “They’re better than me,” ask yourself, “What can I learn from them? Or What unique gifts about me could I share at this moment?” Admiration doesn’t have to equal inferiority.
• Focus on Your Own Growth: Confidence comes from taking action, learning from it, and continuing to take action. Invest in yourself—your health, skills, and mindset—so you feel more comfortable and secure in who you are as a man. Invest in things that help you to expand your perspective of what is possible which will inevitably expand your level of influence and life experiences. 

Embrace Imperfection

At the end of the day, no one is perfect. Not you, not me, not her, not that guy you envy. We’ve all made mistakes, said things we regret, and felt the sting of failure. But we’ve also all experienced beauty, love, joy, and triumph. Nobody gets through life unscathed. 

When you approach people with this understanding, you no longer feel the need to prove your worth or chase validation. When you accept this truth, you free yourself from the need to prove your worth. You can approach women, men, or anyone else as equals—not idols or rivals. 

The next time you meet someone and feel that pang of insecurity, remind yourself: Everyone bleeds. Instead of putting them on a pedestal, see them as they are—flawed, human, and worthy of connection and respect, perfectly imperfect—just like you.

Stop pedestalizing others and start valuing yourself. Because the only person you truly need to impress is the one staring back at you in the mirror.

This is the truth, we’re all perfectly imperfect. 

I hope this helps,

Cory

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